yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
