well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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