WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
