69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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