I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
