she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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