Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
