Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
