His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
