I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
