so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
