i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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