pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
