oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
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