so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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