I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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