you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
