I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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