You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
