If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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