she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
