Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
