is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
