i permit you to call me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Randomize
