i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
