If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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