i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
