Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
