this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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