just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
