my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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