He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
