How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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