boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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