I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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