He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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