im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
