well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
