I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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