A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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