Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
