He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
