It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
