genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
