just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I forget how to act sober
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize