you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
