Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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