I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
