Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
