my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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