I wish you could order shots online.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
