I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize