Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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