She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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