this boner is exhausting
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
