so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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