i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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