dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do vagina's smell?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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