dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
