Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
