if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
