i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
