I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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