im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
