If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
