I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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