sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
