What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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