I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
