I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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