I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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