he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
