I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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