we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
try to milk me bitch
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
