i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I didn't notice because vodka
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
