Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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