Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
