Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
