I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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