If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
